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In the past few weeks I’ve found myself disconnected from God. I haven’t experienced His presence like I have in the past. I’ve been stressed, worried, anxious, and frustrated. I haven’t had peace. I haven’t been trusting.
I have trust issues. I struggle with opening up to people and letting them in. More specifically I struggle with opening up to God. I keep things hidden in the far corners of my heart where even I can’t find them. When things happen, I bottle them up instead of talking about them. I don’t like being vulnerable. I like to be in control. I like knowing what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. All of this tends to strain my relationship with God because I’m not supposed to be in control. I’m supposed to trust and be honest with God, but that can be hard to do when I’m trying to do everything instead of bringing it all to God and laying it down at His feet.
Here’s a few things God has taught/revealed to me through this struggle, and I hope this can help someone who might be experiencing the same thing.
- Just because I don’t feel God doesn’t mean He’s not with me. He’s always with me. I’ve tried to force God in this box of my own making, and I’m so thankful He refuses to conform to what I try to make Him in my weakness.
- I have no peace because I’m not focused on Him. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you,” Isaiah 26:3. My focus has been on everything but God. I’ve been looking at everything that’s wrong in my life instead of keeping my eyes on God and trusting Him with it all.
- There’s a lot of things going wrong not only because my focus has shifted from God, but I’ve also been trying to do everything on my own. Nothing can be done without God. “…For apart from me you can do nothing,” John 15:5 . I believe God is using these hard times to turn my attention to Him. He’s showing me I can’t do anything without Him. If I try, I get nowhere. He wants me to stop relying on myself and rely on Him instead. “For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead,” 2 Corinthians 1:8-9. I’ve come to the end of myself. I’ve been exhausted in every way possible. I’ve used all of my strength. The solution is simple though. I just have to turn to God and give everything to Him. I have to let go and trust.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6