I’m not sure which direction I am going in, but I’d like to figure it the fuck out really soon. I am easily agitated by people who keep telling me that things are going to work out, that it isn’t always going to be this way and all those other nice things that people say with the best of intentions but don’t really help the situation. I mean we all know those people- who mean well, they really do- but the shit that comes out of their mouths about reassuring us our fucked up life could be worse- well yeah I know it could be worse, tell me something I don’t know, like a solution or something…

I’ll tell you something else that is pissing me off in this moment, is college professors who can’t get their shit together. College professors who can’t do this are keeping me from moving the fuck forward and therefore are the root of my fucked up like right now. It should not be a month after grades are due, that I am STILL waiting for mine. Naturally this prevents me from registering and starting new classes and that sets back the date of my graduation. Obviously this particular professor has not standard for himself or students or he’d be setting a better example…I’ve sent four emails asking simply for an update as to what is going on with my grade and have received no response. Teacher of the year award goes to…?

I feel like I am in the middle of some balancing act- 70 hour work weeks, motherhood, student life, and trying to find myself in a world full of dramatic chaos. I am undergoing management training for McDonald’s- not that I intend on being there for any great period of time, but it’s a slightly larger increase to my check and when you are paying big girl bills you do what you have to do. I put up with a great deal of shit from everyone around me for whatever reason- but don’t get me wrong, I may put up with it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get dealt with one way or another. I have people pressing to wedge themselves back into my life- trust me, if you aren’t a part of it at this point there is a damned good reason for that! It amazes me that some people in the world walk so easily out of your life and expect that you are going to come running towards them with open arms at the first sign they want to be a part of who you are all the sudden. Not only am I not naive enough to think that such persons in my life have changed, but I have learned that if I put myself into a situation to get hurt, I just can’t toss that on someone else.

Truth is- I get easily distracted….I just realized how distracted, I haven’t posted in quite a while.

I have found that it’s very difficult to write a post while when your child is running around being chaotic and that’s it’s even more difficult to write a post while performing oral sex.¹ Therefore, my absence is explained.

No, I did not write a Valentines Day post, honestly I would prefer not to. I’m not happy about, I’m not sad about it, I simply don’t have anything to say about it that is interesting. End of story.

Cricket finally had her surgery to put the tubes in her ears- THANK GOD! The day after her surgery she actually said three new words and none of them were fuck or bitch…whoah…that’s always a good sign. I guess my defective parenting techniques aren’t causing too much damange..yet. Her vocab is really taking off- She is starting to say very small sentences!

I know I haven’t posted in a while but I want to keep this relativly short, but very to the point…I haver decided that I think I am going to be throwing somenew subjects into this blog very soon- the two big ones that everyone want’s to steer clear of, especially when they will be soley opinionated. Religion and Politics- nah, I won’t be bashing everything but I can guarentee you I won’t be keeping quiet about the shatty backwords foundations and morals this place we call home was built on. READER BEWARE.

And like I said that pretty much is all I have for this moment, I might be back tonight with something more thought provaking. You just never know. =:)

Ocean "fresh" scent my ass.

The ocean has pollution- NOT my vagina. Just clarifying.

I don’t have to walk down that feminine hygiene section very often anymore-thank god. It’s slightly overwhelming and slightly creepy when there are 1 million products next to the pads and tampons to clean my vagina. I am pretty sure it does that on it’s own. ..something about the idea of sitting on a toilet with a squirt bottle full of vinegar kinda make me nauseous. I don’t see an aisle full of wipes and sprays for men – and let’s face it guys, most of you could probably use some.

Our culture does a great job at telling us what we shouldn’t expect from our vagina’s, but they fail at telling us how to properly take care of those issues, most coming from the fact that our mothers and grandmothers grew up with the assumption that douching should be a routine when it really is not necessary.

If you read the box, most of them tell you that if its itching, smelling, burning and all the things you probably just picked it up to use it for, you should be seeing a doctor, not flushing it out with the scent of the ocean. And to all the teenagers out there who are doing this after sex- it is not like a cheaper Plan B ¹, if you think that douching that shit out is going to keep you from getting pregnant someone needs to slap your mother or your local sexual educator, because they are failing miserably at their job. There is also no real need to do this after Aunt Flow, again, the vagina is a miraculous thing and it 1up’s men in the sense that it actually cleans up after itself ². If you are douching you are heightening your chances of contracting an STD or other infection because along with killing off that bad bacteria, you are also killing the good protective bacteria. There’s quite an interesting article here. I’m not bashing women who do by any means, just bringing up the facts. Consider them the next time you are thinking about spritzing an over the counter solution or homemade one in your happy zone.

The more I bounce around women’s forums and motherhood forums, the more disappointed I become in my own kind. Women who are throwing their dreams away for men who could care less about their “woman” wanting to better herself. ¹ “You would have been a wonderful teacher dear, but I am sure you are so much happier you settled for a douche bag that made you give it all up to cater to HIS needs.” One post in particular I came across really made my jaw drop, in which “Leah” seemed to be having a breakdown over the fact that she didn’t believe her boyfriend loved her.² To quote “Leah”:

Why doesn’t my boyfriend love me?! I have sex when he wants and do nasty things, try to make sure I cook every night and make every attempt possible to have conversation about meaningful things. He never wants to talk and just wants to have sex. He doesn’t support my goals, ignores me and just makes me clean up after him. AND he never flushes the toilet- gross! What am I doing wrong!?

My repsonse to Leah:

Dear Leah-wake-the-hell-up,

I am sure you’re boyfriend ³ just loves that you’re spreading your legs and doing all those nasty things he likes. Unfortunately the part of you that actually wants to have a legit conversation about something other than fantasy football, sex and car parts- he most certainly doesn’t love. Not to mention the fact that if you think he cares about anything you consider meaningful is the first mistake you are making (other than screwing this douche).I suggest you stop being so easy, stop nagging him about not loving you-because he really doesn’t give a fuck and take up a cooking class or something- yeah, that should do it.

If all else fails convince yourself that checking out other women’s tits, placing bets on winning teams and how to completely restore a car engine is what this relationship is truly about and keep doing those nasty things you do- I think you might be able to take things to the next step-getting him to flush the toilet after he poops.

I haven’t checked to see if Leah responded, but I am sure she has and it probably says something that refers to me as being a bitch or bitter, or some nonsense along those lines. If she takes it personally, it likely has something to do with the fact that I just called her out, seriously Leah- I’d like to talk to you more on this matter. Just saying.

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I should have known that when I woke up late this morning the day was destined to be a complete disaster. To make matters worse I had to have one cranky 18mo. old and myself to her doctors appointment by 8:45. ¹ I somehow managed to get her dressed, myself and get miss Preggo ² rolling and out the door by 8, reaching that sigh of relief that I was going to have just enough time to drop her off at school and get Cricket to that appointment.  But as fate would have it, there was more in store for my morning. My car DID NOT START.

This cannot be happening! Yes, it really is. Elizabeth ³ of course did not have jumper cables, and I am not knocking on some creepy neighbors door at 8 in the morning- I live in a townhouse development. I immediately called my stepfather, whose a mechanic, but not much he can do from work. Okay, this is going well so far. Ah! Jasmine. Since she is only a section of houses away and because I realized that if Jimmie were home he most certainly would have some cables. That’s pretty much a give-a-way for most men, right? Alas, the car starts and the mission continues.

It’s only 8:30 at this point. I can do this. Now my only thing is wondering if my car battery is going to die once I get to my destination- C’mon Oldie Hawn! ⁴ I drop Jessie off at school, and call the doctor- letting them know about how late I am actually running- I say I’ll be 15, I am only 5- I wasn’t speeding, so maybe I just have a bad judgement of time and miles.

And yes, I am wondering if things can go wrong anymore today, and my fears are correct. Doctors all have such wonderful news.

About two weeks ago, when Cricket was a day away from having surgery done on her ears to have tubes, we took her to the emergency room for some flu like symptoms just to double check. It wasn’t sounding good, she was wheezing and that’s when I realized we needed to get her checked. Sure enough we were told that she had contracted RSV, it’s a virus that most children under two get and it is serious if preterm babies get it- esp. in the first year. ⁵ Of course this naturally meant that there was not going to be any surgery, as she cannot be suffering any upper respiratory illness. Fuck. She needs these tubes!! She cannot even hear, this would happen at this point. Bad luck must be hereditary.

This appointment was to give us the go ahead for her rescheduled surgery next week. Unfortunately, I am told that because of the RSV, she will suffer asthma like symptoms for about the next 3 years of her life and will need a nebulizer for treatments frequently to help, and because there is still a really bad buildup in her chest- as of today. She is also to take steroids for the next week along with the breathing treatments. On Monday she needs to be rechecked for progress, if all is good, then surgery is to be the next day. Why is this happening to my child?? Why does she take to the medicine dropper like its a snack, why does she need to scream in pain and tug at her ears and why the hell does it seem like nothing is going in the right direction to fix it?

This was before she began having nervous breakdowns during treatments. The little puppy machine was cute at first, right Crick?

The nurse brings the nebulizer and sets it up to give Cricket the first treatment right then and there. She’s quite pissed but overall does okay. Yes she does okay there. The last two treatments that I have tried to give her, have left both she and I in tears. She screams bloody murder, shakes and throws her head around in all attempt to not take these treatments. I have had to hold her down by wrapping my legs around her, holding down her arms and trying to still her head- I am sure my neighbors think I am practicing some torturous time out techniques- I am waiting to hear sirens…Tomorrow I am going to call and ask if they can also prescribe a tranquilizer. I only need it to work for ten minutes.

At the last minute I decided that I didn’t want to let my domain expire after all.¹ And that this time I do promise to use it. I am thinking that separating this blog and a mommy blog would be a good idea though. Those of you who are parents, what are your thoughts on the matter? Do you dedicate a separate blog to your kiddo’s? My only issue is that I tend to write about things of an adult nature² and I realize that some of my audience might not appreciate me talking of cunts and such when they are trying to weed through to see my mommy posts, just saying. <–I’m thinking at least three of my readers just dropped like flies right there, it’s that C word, I’m tellin’ ya.

I’ll keep this post pretty short and simple from here on out- I’ll give you a basic overview of the past few months:

1. I have been living in my own apartment- with a seventeen year old pregnant roomie³
2. Cricket is 19 months old and says fuck and shit- I’m going to hell.
3. Robert and I are living an hour apart.
4. I can’t seem to find a job to save my life! ⁴
5. I am very close to getting 60 credit hours…and a decent job.
6. Yes, I am still determined to have my Ph.D in Clinical Sexology- and YES that IS a real major.

Short and simple.